I am or aren't I, that is the question. This TWW is not very enjoyable. It can make one crazy.
As I move through my day I am constantly checking my status. If I am busy at work, then I truly forget about it until something happens. For example, I was walking the halls about mid-morning and I just needed to stop because I had that moment of wooziness. I paused and tried to go again and realized that I wasn't quite ready. It probably lasted 20 seconds. Then I felt fine.
Later in the afternoon I was at my desk typing and the entire world went woozy. No, it went super woozy and I felt like I was going to pass out. I could feel the blood rush from my hands to the center part of my body. I don't think I could have stood if I had to. I literally put my head between my knees. I felt this great mix of "excellent...this totally isn't normal" and "holy crap what the hell is going on with my body?" I felt a little better so I decided to go to the bathroom (just in case). I thought about throwing up, but nothing happened. I then told myself to toughen up. I went and reported it to my best friend who totally agrees that isn't normal which means........?? The entire event lasted about 5 minutes (it felt like more).
But, then for hours I feel totally normal and think...humm...maybe that last event was the end of it? Maybe the sperm and egg met and hooked up and the progesterone is flooding my system, but it isn't attaching or I am pregnant now, but it doesn't mean that I will stay pregnant. Or, we are pregnant and this is really it.
I also wonder if the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc... TWW is easier or harder? Is it harder because the pressure is amped up? Or, is it more of a way of life and it is what it is?
I am hopeful that I am pregnant. I will be disappointed in myself if I am not pregnant. It will make me feel like I don't know my own body, but I will get over it and try again.
E-
P.S. M is super excited today. She drove me to work and was like "how do you feel, etc.." When I got out of the car I told her, "okay, babe, I will try and throw up for you today..."
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3 comments:
I am always asking S during the TWW if she is going to puke. What else are we supposed to do as the non-carrying member of the baby making duo.
Bad news is, it doesn't get any easier, not for me at least. I've got kind of bitter and hardened to it.
I hope that you are pregnant, but if not, try and take it easy on yourself and don't feel disappointed in your body. After a few fails, that can get really corrosive. If it didn't work, that's just life - you didn't do anything wrong.
Ditto on Vee's comment. it definitely doesn't get any easier. We've been doing this for years, and we STILL manage to read into every sign and symptom. Hang in there, and (try) to give yourself a break. Oh, and good luck w/ the puking!!! Sending lots of baby-making thoughts!
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