Exhausted.

My physical, emotional, and mental state:

Physical:
It felt like a cramp. That's it. It wasn't bad. They don't use lube with the speculum, so that did not feel very pleasant. Once the doctor was done, my body totally relaxed and I felt fine. My ovulation sensation started late this afternoon and it is always a little uncomfortable.

Emotionally:
I was very overwhelmed during the insemination. I wasn't scared or nervous or worried. I was disappointed that it had to be so clinical. That it couldn't just be the two of us. I was very happy when everyone left the room and it was just me and M. She is awesome at comforting me, making me feel safe, and knowing when to make me smile. When we went to work, I just wanted to be with her. We emailed about every 2 minutes...it was awesome to come home to her. She had 3 dozen tulips waiting for me. She loves me and I love her dearly. I am so happy she is my partner on this journey.

Mentally:
Did we do it right? That is what is flies through my mind every 2 minutes.
My surge started between 1 p.m. and 6 p.m. yesterday, but using those crazy OPK sticks is so tricky that I didn't know for sure until this morning with the ClearBlue Easy. I was inseminated about 9 a.m. and around 2 p.m. I started to fell my ovulation sensation and it last for a couple of hours. So, I think we did well. The sperm is in there swimming and the egg is being released. Now they just need to meet, hook up, and stick together.

Random things I saw today:
1. Did I mention it snowed about 5 inches here today? Very wild spring storm. I am a transplanted southerner here in the Midwest, so I am convinced the world has gone nuts when it snows in April.
2. We saw the sperm vial that we ordered. It was tiny--like a firecracker cut in half. I can't believe the shipping was as much as it was....
3. A couple in the waiting room were nuts. They fought the entire time. I wanted to get away from them.
4. You have to sign 400+ forms to be inseminated.
5. If I die, M gets the sperm (there was a form). I have no idea what she would do with it.
6. I am exhausted. Is that a sign of pregnancy? It is 8:00 and I want to go to bed.

I am blessed to have M, I am blessed to live in a country and community that allows us to make a baby, and I am blessed to have the chance to become a parent.

E-