Saturday, September 29, 2007

All in 10 different colors

We did it. We finally took the huge step in accepting we are going to have a baby. It was monumental. We went and walked around Babies-r-Us. If you have never been to Babies-r-Us it is like a huge Target just for baby stuff.

We walked around for about an hour just browsing and checking this out. Tons of choices. Too many choices. Bottles, wipes, diaper bags, cribs, sheets, chairs, nuks, bibs, clothes, car seats, playpens, huge strollers, little strollers, toys, mobiles, and all in about 10 different color choices. Completely overwhelming. I finally looked at M and said, "Okay. I have had enough."

Where do you start? On Little House on the Prairie they had a cradle at the end of the bed that Paw had made. Woman in 3rd-world countries are lucky to have anything at all and I spent an hour of my life in a mega store for someone that is currently the size of large tadpole. I know that I am blessed to live in an industrialized nation and I do have the means to provide for my child in almost any way, but good grief. How much does one tiny person need?

So, my question to blogland is this: If you already have a child.....What did you really need? And, what was just crap?


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

bowlin' night

Tonight was my first night of bowling for the season (my 6th, I think). It's E's favorite night of the week. I'm not supposed to know, but I have a strong idea that E and the dog lay on the couch together. I'm on a team with three women I currently work with or have worked with in the past. They're all a generation older than me, but we have a great time together. Only one of them knows we're pregnant, and it's very fun to watch her wait for the others to leave to ask questions.

E is feeling queasy quite a bit and has a hard time finding foods that sound good. She's eating lots and lots of small meals every day. She told me that she thought she would love being pregnant, but she hates it. I think that will change when the second trimester rolls around. We are both adapting to going to bed at 9 or earlier every night. I've been getting lots of reading time, which I love. I also frequently get to eat whatever I want because E's not interested.

I still can't wait to tell everyone. Keeping a secret for months is crazy.


Thursday, September 20, 2007

use your words!

We had our 6-week ultrasound today, and on the drive over we got more and more nervous. We have read in a number of places, and the doctor confirmed, that sometimes you can hear the heartbeat this early. So, we wanted to hear the heartbeat but had convinced ourselves we wouldn't be too disappointed if we didn't.

I would say E and I waited comfortably to be called back for the scan, but her full bladder made her a little squirmy. The technician introduced herself and did the first abdominal scan. It was very quick and there was nothing I saw that I recognized. Then she began the vaginal ultrasound. Unlike the first scan, this one seemed to take a very long time. As she clicked around, I thought I saw something that looked like a baby but then I thought, "How the heck would I know?" Finally, the technician said, "There's the gestational sac." It was just a black spot on the screen. I thought, "There's nothing there" and my heart sank. The technician continued the scan. At one point, E asked if something was normal and the technician said, "Yes" but that was all. Although E and I were glued to the screen and not looking at each other, I could tell we were both anxious.

The technician finally told us where the baby was and how big it was (4mm) and E asked if that was the right size. The technician confirmed it was. E then had to hold her breath for a bit and then let it go. This went on a few times. There was a display on the bottom of the screen that looked like a display on a stereo that shows sound output. In my mind the technician was looking for a heartbeat and it would show on this display. I couldn't see any pattern to what was happening on the display or E's breathing. Again, my heart sank.

Finally, the technician said, "Okay, I'm going to look for the heartbeat. It might get loud." I thought, "Finally! Holy cow, what was she looking for all this time if not the heartbeat."

And then she turned up the volume and within moments we heard a very loud and distinct...thump, thump...thump, thump...thump, thump. I got tears in my eyes. In a matter of a half hour, my heart had sunk and now soared. That's my baby in there! E and I have both said this seems so surreal. That moment was evidence that this is real. Even though E doesn't look pregnant and few people know, we had live evidence today and it felt great.

And we have a new photo hanging on the refrigerator.


Friday, September 14, 2007

baby talk

We are back in the throes of school. Every summer I forget how tired I am by Friday afternoon. I met with my book club last night. One of them just had a baby and one is due in a month, so there was plenty of baby talk. They all know that E and I are trying to get pregnant, but I haven't confirmed that we're pregnant. We talked about everything...the drive to the hospital (which completely freaks me out), the delivery, daycare, etc. They all asked me a million questions....and I felt like the biggest liar in the world. I've told some whopping lies in my life, but for some reason it makes me feel so guilty not telling them the truth. I'll get over it.

The doctor who did the insemination called and wants us to come in for an ultrasound this week. It will be the six-week mark (I don't get the pregnancy math, either), and there's a chance we could hear the heartbeat. I am hopeful that we do, but I will not be surprised if we don't. That would be pretty early. We also have an ultrasound with our obstetrician mid-October, and I will be more set on the outcome of that one.

I feel very maternal about E's belly and very protective of her. We have a great connection, and in addition to the awe of a baby growing, I am very proud of E for working and doing all we do while still taking good care of herself.


Sunday, September 9, 2007

4 weeks, 6 days

The ticker that is made at various web sites all like to say that I am 4 weeks, 6 days pregnant. I like to say that I am in my 5th week and about to start my 6th week. All these counting methods make me dizzy. So, I will say that I am going to start my 6th week tomorrow and that is how I am gonna play it.

Overall, I have felt very good. Things I have noticed:

I need a 30 minute nap everyday.
I really don't want any form of breakfast food.
Fat - free Italian dressing smells like a chemical plant to me.
My gag reflex is triggered by the texture of certain foods: lettuce, almonds, and most recently corn bread.
My sense of smell is picking up. Which isn't a good thing when the dog (or others) let some rip.
I have cramping on and off throughout the day and almost every night. It seems to be reducing.
Constant worry.

The first 12 weeks will be very long and full of worry. We went to the doctor on Thursday and everything was fine. My doctor is awesome. She is very down to earth and believes that if someone is going to miscarry it is going to happen. It is extremely rare that mothers cause a miscarriage. It is almost always genetic. She told us not to worry and know that if it does happen, there is nothing we could have done to stop it.

And, when you think about it that is very true. Some women abuse their bodies during pregnancy (smoking, drinking, drugs, etc..) and still have babies. Sadly, working in education I see the results of many of those situations. I would say that every year I work with a few students who were drug addicted at birth and a few more that are fetal-alcohol babies. Very tough lives for those children and families.

So, my mind is clear on the issue, but of course, I still worry and hope and pray that everything will be okay. The emotional side is very hard to convince to do anything else.

Additionally, M has been great. She takes wonderful care of me and lets me nap as needed. She is very cute about the entire thing. It is quite a fun adventure.


Tuesday, September 4, 2007

it's all sinking in

It's been a few days since we got the positive HPT, and I think things are just sinking in. After the first two HPTs, E was calm and happy. However, when we saw the third stick that actually said PREGNANT, she was a little shocked. I think that's when it clicked with her that she's really pregnant. With me, it happens very slowly. Odd moments when I think how different next year will be...that it won't be a quiet house where we're in charge of our own schedules. I have moments when I am ecstatic. I have moments when I am completely freaked out. I take a few deep breaths and remind myself that people do this every day and everyone is fine.

E and I process things very differently. I think we'll be happy and healthy. E will not be convinced until the first trimester is over, the second trimester is over, and ultimately, not until we are holding a healthy baby. She is reading books and blogs and websites, thirsting for more information. I tend to look at the ads in the paper and think, "hmmm...wonder if we'll need that." We are like this with everything...buying cars, planting the garden, and now, having a baby. We call my approach walking around it and hers the direct route. It works for us.

School has started and it's hard for me not to shout to everyone that we are having a baby. It's also very odd to think that before the year is over I will be a mom. Mostly, I feel very lucky. I have a beautiful, wonderful, loving, funny partner who I will watch turn into a beautiful, wonderful, loving, funny mom.


Saturday, September 1, 2007

I am so happy for ME!!!!

Here are the updates:

1. The fence was finished and it looks great! The puppy (7 year old Golden Retriever) has had a blast running around her yard. It is so much easier on us, too. No more worrying about her dashing across the street to play with the other dogs.

2. We are both back at work - summer vacation is over. Our local paper's headline this morning was..."Summer's Last Gasp." So true in this part of the world.

3. The annoying neighbors that live about 3 houses away are moving today! Excellent news!

4. Oh yeah, and we are pregnant. Heheheh

So, our last inseminiation was August 20th and it was perfectly timed. We went in about 10:30 a.m. and my ovulation sensation/pain started about 1 p.m. and was done by 6 p.m. Additionally, we had the HSG test the week before which cleans everything out.

I had a wave of wooziness on DPO 1 and starting about DPO 2 I had sore and sensitive nipples, which I still do. Around day 8 DPO I started to feel very full and a little dizzy throughout the day. That feeling continues as well.

On DPO 9 we decided to test with a FRER pregnancy test in the afternoon. When the test came up there was a whisper of a line -- super, super light, but there was something there. Normally, those tests are as white as sheets when they are negative. So, the next day, DPO 10, we tested again with a FRER and the line was clearly visable...not dark, but a line. Happiness ensued.

We called my mother and she cried and was very happy. I most remember her saying, through her sobs, "I am so happy for you and M. I am so happy for ME!" Etc... Etc... Etc... We then told M's mom who was thrilled and apparently needs to start crocheting some things. :)

We have only told a few people because it is so early and we all know that we must be cautious. 12 weeks is a long time, but we needed to tell the people that would be our support system if something goes wrong. I told 3 of my closest co-workers who would notice that something is different. M has told her family and a couple close friends, but that is all. We'll save the big announcement until November when it will be "safer."

Things that are wild:
1. We ended up getting pregnant at the downtown clinic -- the one we were scared out of on our first visit. We did not get pregnant at the posh fertility clinic or the fancy clinic on the chic side of town.

2. August was our original start month, until we read all the blogs last winter and realized we should start earlier.

3. This was the last month with our favorite donor. He is all out.

So, deep breaths, happy faces, and letting it all sink in.