use your words!

We had our 6-week ultrasound today, and on the drive over we got more and more nervous. We have read in a number of places, and the doctor confirmed, that sometimes you can hear the heartbeat this early. So, we wanted to hear the heartbeat but had convinced ourselves we wouldn't be too disappointed if we didn't.

I would say E and I waited comfortably to be called back for the scan, but her full bladder made her a little squirmy. The technician introduced herself and did the first abdominal scan. It was very quick and there was nothing I saw that I recognized. Then she began the vaginal ultrasound. Unlike the first scan, this one seemed to take a very long time. As she clicked around, I thought I saw something that looked like a baby but then I thought, "How the heck would I know?" Finally, the technician said, "There's the gestational sac." It was just a black spot on the screen. I thought, "There's nothing there" and my heart sank. The technician continued the scan. At one point, E asked if something was normal and the technician said, "Yes" but that was all. Although E and I were glued to the screen and not looking at each other, I could tell we were both anxious.

The technician finally told us where the baby was and how big it was (4mm) and E asked if that was the right size. The technician confirmed it was. E then had to hold her breath for a bit and then let it go. This went on a few times. There was a display on the bottom of the screen that looked like a display on a stereo that shows sound output. In my mind the technician was looking for a heartbeat and it would show on this display. I couldn't see any pattern to what was happening on the display or E's breathing. Again, my heart sank.

Finally, the technician said, "Okay, I'm going to look for the heartbeat. It might get loud." I thought, "Finally! Holy cow, what was she looking for all this time if not the heartbeat."

And then she turned up the volume and within moments we heard a very loud and distinct...thump, thump...thump, thump...thump, thump. I got tears in my eyes. In a matter of a half hour, my heart had sunk and now soared. That's my baby in there! E and I have both said this seems so surreal. That moment was evidence that this is real. Even though E doesn't look pregnant and few people know, we had live evidence today and it felt great.

And we have a new photo hanging on the refrigerator.

m