We went to the downtown clinic. It was easier this time because we knew what to expect. We had very, very low expectations. It was very busy and full of teenage moms.
We met the new doctor, Dr. F. He was good. We told him our whole story and he agreed that we should keep trying without having the HSG test for a month or two. He was concerned about my late ovulation. I had to accept that I do not have a regular period. I am not perfect...what is up with that??
So, the decision was this: Clomid. Yup. Like the rest of the world, it is time for Clomid. It is a drug that you take for about 5 days and basically it helps stimulate the ovary to make better eggs and release them earlier. I started taking it today and I am interested to see when I actually ovulate this time.
Next step: order more swimmers. I will tackle that tomorrow.
E-
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
family welcome here
Aunt Flo came for a visit. Off to a new doctor tomorrow. We called the cryobank and found out there are still some vials left for our guy. That's some good news!
So, last month when it didn't work, E got a new vacuum cleaner. She emailed me today and told me she would like a patio set this time. Now, you might be thinking that we're ridiculous, but this is all stuff we knew we needed and have been saving for so it's a fun way to soften the blow of not being pregnant and get the things we would have gotten anyway. But please don't tell E. She thinks they are special presents she's getting. ;)
m
So, last month when it didn't work, E got a new vacuum cleaner. She emailed me today and told me she would like a patio set this time. Now, you might be thinking that we're ridiculous, but this is all stuff we knew we needed and have been saving for so it's a fun way to soften the blow of not being pregnant and get the things we would have gotten anyway. But please don't tell E. She thinks they are special presents she's getting. ;)
m
Monday, May 28, 2007
no surprises here
The question has been asked if we are peeing on sticks. Normally, 13DPO I would have peed on 12 sticks by now. However, the grand total this month is zero...zip...none. We should be starting our third cycle any minute now.
Instead of sitting around wondering and going crazy like last month, this month we are planting new flower beds, putting in a garden, and riding our bikes. We are sore and tired but having a great time.
Soon it will be time for the new donor search and the next round.
E-
Instead of sitting around wondering and going crazy like last month, this month we are planting new flower beds, putting in a garden, and riding our bikes. We are sore and tired but having a great time.
Soon it will be time for the new donor search and the next round.
E-
Thursday, May 24, 2007
she's really swell, too
E said I should write nice stuff about her...
I can't believe we are here, either. As E said, we have been friends for years, and I think we were both a little surprised that we jumped out of that tree. We have a great time together. She makes me laugh like crazy, and let's me see a side of her that almost no one else sees. She is damn smart, too. But, big ditto....she can drive me absolutely nuts--pull out the bottle of whiskey crazy. I wouldn't say she's bossy, but just check out the first line.
And yet, we are here. Having a great time, doing our best to be patient and have fun while we try to make a baby.
Oh, and another friend of ours is pregnant....they're everywhere!!! :)
m
I can't believe we are here, either. As E said, we have been friends for years, and I think we were both a little surprised that we jumped out of that tree. We have a great time together. She makes me laugh like crazy, and let's me see a side of her that almost no one else sees. She is damn smart, too. But, big ditto....she can drive me absolutely nuts--pull out the bottle of whiskey crazy. I wouldn't say she's bossy, but just check out the first line.
And yet, we are here. Having a great time, doing our best to be patient and have fun while we try to make a baby.
Oh, and another friend of ours is pregnant....they're everywhere!!! :)
m
I am not even counting
Since I feel totally normal I am not even counting the days during the TWW. I think we are around day 10 DPO or something like that. Every once in awhile I have a passing hope/thought that...well...maybe I am and I just feel great and this will be a cake walk, but then I remember the very clear symptoms I felt last month and know that nothing is happening here.
We have tried to look for a new donor (our 1st one is out), but I just haven't gotten my head in the right place yet. I am sure it will happen, but it just hasn't yet.
We are heading into the final weeks of school. That brings this great mix of excitement and stress. School really ends. There are no more extensions. Tests must be graded, evaluations completed, portfolios created, IEPs turned in, data collected, classrooms/offices cleaned, and old Tupperware finally brought home. We are both cramming to get everything done before the final days.
M and I recently marked our 1st official year of living together. We have been great friends for almost four years and we dated for a year before we moved in together. We had a perfect move in day. We have the best house. And, at times I am still amazed we ended up here together. I love her more today than I did any day before and I am constantly amazed by that fact. Now, she can make me totally freaking nuts and can drive me to drink, but overall (98% of the time) she just rocks.
E-
We have tried to look for a new donor (our 1st one is out), but I just haven't gotten my head in the right place yet. I am sure it will happen, but it just hasn't yet.
We are heading into the final weeks of school. That brings this great mix of excitement and stress. School really ends. There are no more extensions. Tests must be graded, evaluations completed, portfolios created, IEPs turned in, data collected, classrooms/offices cleaned, and old Tupperware finally brought home. We are both cramming to get everything done before the final days.
M and I recently marked our 1st official year of living together. We have been great friends for almost four years and we dated for a year before we moved in together. We had a perfect move in day. We have the best house. And, at times I am still amazed we ended up here together. I love her more today than I did any day before and I am constantly amazed by that fact. Now, she can make me totally freaking nuts and can drive me to drink, but overall (98% of the time) she just rocks.
E-
Saturday, May 19, 2007
DPO4
Here is my list of current symptoms four days DPO:
NOTHING!
It's probably because I'm a late ovulator and the doctor told me (after he injected my $400 worth of stuff) that it was probably a waste of time. Can you tell we're still a little bitter? The good news is that the lack of symptoms this time convinces us that something did happen last time. And, we'll know what to expect in the future. So, we are passing the time waiting for the TWW to be over.
We're changing doctors. We no longer need the posh, overattentive, handholding clinic. We're going for a second opinion. If you've read the whole blog, you know that means we're going back to the not-so-posh downtown clinic...where our insurance covers more and everything is cheaper. E called the downtown office asking if any other doctors do IUIs than the first one we met...I believe she referred to him as a jackass. The nurse knew immediately who she was talking about and agreed. :) Luckily, there are other doctors there who do it, so we have an appt. the day after the TWW to see a new doctor.
In our neverending quest to be good consumers and financial planners, we have purchased a new vehicle. E was driving a 1993 Camry that had seen better days. We put money into it a couple months ago to see how long we could make it last, but when the turn signals stopped working (despite the fact that we changed the fuse which continued to blow every 5 minutes), we decided it was time find a new car. We looked high. We looked low. We read everything we could online. We test drove. Finally, we ended up in something neither of us had even considered...a Subaru Outback (yes, every lesbian has one). We sold the Camry to a work friend who was absolutely thrilled to get it. E is a little sad to see it go. She will miss the sunroof, leather seats, and V6. But, we traded that for a like new vehicle with seat heaters, air bags everywhere, and all wheel drive.
We're off to ride our bikes, plant a garden, and go to prom. Yes, prom. We're educators...who did you think chaperoned that stuff??? For the fashion curious, we're wearing what we wore last year.
m and E-
NOTHING!
It's probably because I'm a late ovulator and the doctor told me (after he injected my $400 worth of stuff) that it was probably a waste of time. Can you tell we're still a little bitter? The good news is that the lack of symptoms this time convinces us that something did happen last time. And, we'll know what to expect in the future. So, we are passing the time waiting for the TWW to be over.
We're changing doctors. We no longer need the posh, overattentive, handholding clinic. We're going for a second opinion. If you've read the whole blog, you know that means we're going back to the not-so-posh downtown clinic...where our insurance covers more and everything is cheaper. E called the downtown office asking if any other doctors do IUIs than the first one we met...I believe she referred to him as a jackass. The nurse knew immediately who she was talking about and agreed. :) Luckily, there are other doctors there who do it, so we have an appt. the day after the TWW to see a new doctor.
In our neverending quest to be good consumers and financial planners, we have purchased a new vehicle. E was driving a 1993 Camry that had seen better days. We put money into it a couple months ago to see how long we could make it last, but when the turn signals stopped working (despite the fact that we changed the fuse which continued to blow every 5 minutes), we decided it was time find a new car. We looked high. We looked low. We read everything we could online. We test drove. Finally, we ended up in something neither of us had even considered...a Subaru Outback (yes, every lesbian has one). We sold the Camry to a work friend who was absolutely thrilled to get it. E is a little sad to see it go. She will miss the sunroof, leather seats, and V6. But, we traded that for a like new vehicle with seat heaters, air bags everywhere, and all wheel drive.
We're off to ride our bikes, plant a garden, and go to prom. Yes, prom. We're educators...who did you think chaperoned that stuff??? For the fashion curious, we're wearing what we wore last year.
m and E-
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
consumer reports
E and I are big fans of information. We don't make many decisions before doing some research. We want to buy some picture frames...where are they on sale? We might need a new car...which ones are safe and affordable? We read books, blogs, newspapers and magazines and watch tv and movies. We talk to people. 99% of the time we are very confident that we are making good choices, purchasing good products, and getting the best for our money.
Today, I felt like I was forced to be a bad consumer. (Read E's blog for the whole story.) I felt like we did all of our homework. We waited for E to surge. We kept track of days. We peed on sticks. Then, we get done with the doctor and are told our chances are reduced and we need to get out the checkbook. As smart consumers we would have asked what the chances are it would work and made a smart decision. I don't think the doctor did his homework. If you have to have a conversation with us about other options, don't do it when we're in the hopeful glow of "this time it might work." Call us after it doesn't work. The insurance company could have pointed out the language that said, "one shot only." (I'm not sure yet that that language exists.)
So, yes, I feel cheated. I don't want guarantees. I want hope. I am going to talk to lazy lefty now. I believe in her.
m
Today, I felt like I was forced to be a bad consumer. (Read E's blog for the whole story.) I felt like we did all of our homework. We waited for E to surge. We kept track of days. We peed on sticks. Then, we get done with the doctor and are told our chances are reduced and we need to get out the checkbook. As smart consumers we would have asked what the chances are it would work and made a smart decision. I don't think the doctor did his homework. If you have to have a conversation with us about other options, don't do it when we're in the hopeful glow of "this time it might work." Call us after it doesn't work. The insurance company could have pointed out the language that said, "one shot only." (I'm not sure yet that that language exists.)
So, yes, I feel cheated. I don't want guarantees. I want hope. I am going to talk to lazy lefty now. I believe in her.
m
Late Ovulator
Yesterday about 6pm I got a positive OPK. It lit right up and it was obviously positive. I called the doctor. I got nurse H. She was useless.
She literally said to me, "Can you just call the office in the morning...?"
I said, "No, I need to do this early tomorrow morning and I will need to rearrange my entire day. Last time they confirmed my appointment over the phone."
She said, "Well, I will have to call you later."
We tried to enjoy our night. We were excited that it was finally time and we were so ready.
9 p.m. phone rings and it is nurse H., "Hi, yes, you are confirmed for 8:30 in the Southern office."
I said, "We don't go to the Southern office we go to the Northern office."
Nurse H "Well, you will need to come to the Southern office."
Me: "Well, that isn't going to happen because the sperm is at the Northern office."
Nurse H: "Oh. I will have to call you back."
Me: No shit. (No, Mother, I didn't actually say 'no shit' to her. I wanted to though.)
Finally, she calls back and we are all set for 9:30 a.m. at the Northern office.
We go to work this morning and rush through the two hours we are there. M comes and picks me up and we are off to the clinic. We are excited, but not as nervous as last time. We know what to expect which is awesome. We go in, start the paperwork, read, giggle, laugh, smile, and then perky nurse T comes to get us. Vitals, disrobe, up on the table, check the sperm, same doctor as last time, complete the procedure, and viola. We are done. We are expecting our 10 minutes of private time to talk, smile, etc... HOWEVER....
The doctor takes this time (our 10 minutes) to talk about our treatment plan. He basically says that I am a late ovulator and he doesn't like it. He isn't saying it won't work, but we might need to create a better environment for my eggs and lining. He suggested we consider 1. An HSG test (expensive and time consuming -- 2 weeks on the pill) and 2. Clomid (drug) to create a cycle (expensive).
Then we go out to leave and they ask us to pay. I say, "Nope, our insurance pays." But, of course there is problem with the insurance and them only paying for 1 IUI. Great. We pay and I vow to cuss out everyone at the insurance company.
M said it best. She feels cheated. We feel like we spent $500.00 to be told:
1. You ovulated too late and you probably didn't produce a good egg.
2. We did the IUI anyways before telling you that.
3. It is going to cost you more money than you thought.
4. And, of course as we left they said, "Good luck!"
Welcome to the TWW.
E-
She literally said to me, "Can you just call the office in the morning...?"
I said, "No, I need to do this early tomorrow morning and I will need to rearrange my entire day. Last time they confirmed my appointment over the phone."
She said, "Well, I will have to call you later."
We tried to enjoy our night. We were excited that it was finally time and we were so ready.
9 p.m. phone rings and it is nurse H., "Hi, yes, you are confirmed for 8:30 in the Southern office."
I said, "We don't go to the Southern office we go to the Northern office."
Nurse H "Well, you will need to come to the Southern office."
Me: "Well, that isn't going to happen because the sperm is at the Northern office."
Nurse H: "Oh. I will have to call you back."
Me: No shit. (No, Mother, I didn't actually say 'no shit' to her. I wanted to though.)
Finally, she calls back and we are all set for 9:30 a.m. at the Northern office.
We go to work this morning and rush through the two hours we are there. M comes and picks me up and we are off to the clinic. We are excited, but not as nervous as last time. We know what to expect which is awesome. We go in, start the paperwork, read, giggle, laugh, smile, and then perky nurse T comes to get us. Vitals, disrobe, up on the table, check the sperm, same doctor as last time, complete the procedure, and viola. We are done. We are expecting our 10 minutes of private time to talk, smile, etc... HOWEVER....
The doctor takes this time (our 10 minutes) to talk about our treatment plan. He basically says that I am a late ovulator and he doesn't like it. He isn't saying it won't work, but we might need to create a better environment for my eggs and lining. He suggested we consider 1. An HSG test (expensive and time consuming -- 2 weeks on the pill) and 2. Clomid (drug) to create a cycle (expensive).
Then we go out to leave and they ask us to pay. I say, "Nope, our insurance pays." But, of course there is problem with the insurance and them only paying for 1 IUI. Great. We pay and I vow to cuss out everyone at the insurance company.
M said it best. She feels cheated. We feel like we spent $500.00 to be told:
1. You ovulated too late and you probably didn't produce a good egg.
2. We did the IUI anyways before telling you that.
3. It is going to cost you more money than you thought.
4. And, of course as we left they said, "Good luck!"
Welcome to the TWW.
E-
Saturday, May 12, 2007
the left one is lazy
We have been waiting all week for E to ovulate. She has peed on countless sticks. She is usually like clockwork. However, we are depending on the left ovary this time. The right ovary always works on Day 16. The left has gone as long as Day 23. E's coworkers have even given the lazy ovary peptalks. E has cursed it out, calling it lazy and slow. She says she's not even sure she wants a child from the left ovary. If the child is lazy, E says she will say, "I knew from the moment I ovulated, you were going to be a slow child." Of course, she says it all with a big grin and she would never call a child lazy or slow. Well, she would but not for coming from the left ovary. Funny stuff.
So, here we are waiting for lefty. It is Day 19. I wonder if they'll inseminate on Mother's Day...
m
So, here we are waiting for lefty. It is Day 19. I wonder if they'll inseminate on Mother's Day...
m
Sunday, May 6, 2007
SALE!
I am not pregnant, but I did get the vacuum. Finally. The Dyson DC17-Animal was on sale at Target and we got an additionally 10% off. You really can't wait for my reproductive system to align with that good of a sale. So, we went for and it is great. We sucked up enough dog hair to make an entire new dog.
This week should be the week for our next insemination - maybe Thursday or Friday? We will wait for the sticks to tell us. As we enter this next cycle I was concerned about the TWW and missing my beer. I missed my beer during my last two week wait. I mean, I don't need it or have to have -- it was fine, but it is different to have pizza without having a beer - not lots a beer - just one with pizza...who doesn't miss that? However, I have solved that issue. I don't want any beer at all. M and I went to dinner at a friends last night ...six hours later...well, let's just say I spent some time praying to the porcelain god.... I am cured. Bring on the sperm.
E-
This week should be the week for our next insemination - maybe Thursday or Friday? We will wait for the sticks to tell us. As we enter this next cycle I was concerned about the TWW and missing my beer. I missed my beer during my last two week wait. I mean, I don't need it or have to have -- it was fine, but it is different to have pizza without having a beer - not lots a beer - just one with pizza...who doesn't miss that? However, I have solved that issue. I don't want any beer at all. M and I went to dinner at a friends last night ...six hours later...well, let's just say I spent some time praying to the porcelain god.... I am cured. Bring on the sperm.
E-
Friday, May 4, 2007
Interview Questions from It's Taking a Village
1. E. what are you most looking forward to about pregnancy/early months?
I am excited about serious things like creating a life, feeling my body change to adapt to a visitor, growing closer to M, having a great responsibility, and taking on a great challenge. I am also excited about little things like telling people, spending some of money we have been saving on fun stuff, and watching M laugh with me. Additionally, I am really excited about slowing down at work and being able to say, "yeah, I am pregnant I really can't supervise graduation in 90 degree heat for 3 hours..." heheeh
2. M. what are you most looking forward to about the pregnancy/early months?
I am excited about serious things like creating a life, feeling my body change to adapt to a visitor, growing closer to M, having a great responsibility, and taking on a great challenge. I am also excited about little things like telling people, spending some of money we have been saving on fun stuff, and watching M laugh with me. Additionally, I am really excited about slowing down at work and being able to say, "yeah, I am pregnant I really can't supervise graduation in 90 degree heat for 3 hours..." heheeh
2. M. what are you most looking forward to about the pregnancy/early months?
I am excited about the wonder of the pregnancy...just watching it happen. I agree with E that it will be fun to tell people and prepare our house and lives. In the early months, I am looking forward to time away from work for us to bond and become a real family.
3. How did you two decide which was having the first/all/none of the babies?
I am in my early 30's. M is not. :) But, she still has a rockin body...
4. Where do you see yourselves in 25 years from now?
Retired. Full pension. Stacked IRA. A child in young adulthood. Still doing things we love whatever they are...reading, talking, working in the yard, some traveling, maybe living part of the time in the South and some here, and still taking care of each other. I hope we are a fun older couple.
5. M. since I too am going (someday I swear) be a non-bio mom, I am wondering what other soon to be non-bios fear the most. Tell me what you think the biggest challenge will be for you being a non-bio mom?
3. How did you two decide which was having the first/all/none of the babies?
I am in my early 30's. M is not. :) But, she still has a rockin body...
4. Where do you see yourselves in 25 years from now?
Retired. Full pension. Stacked IRA. A child in young adulthood. Still doing things we love whatever they are...reading, talking, working in the yard, some traveling, maybe living part of the time in the South and some here, and still taking care of each other. I hope we are a fun older couple.
5. M. since I too am going (someday I swear) be a non-bio mom, I am wondering what other soon to be non-bios fear the most. Tell me what you think the biggest challenge will be for you being a non-bio mom?
I think the biggest challenge will be conquering the fear of someone being able to take the child away from me if something happened to E or us as a couple. We have put all kinds of legal protections in place, but I still think that fear could lurk in me. I hope the baby is like me in some way...my eye color or hair color or something. Regardless of that, however, I know he/she will be like me because of environment. The child will pick up my mannerisms and will learn the stuff that I know how to do.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
May
It is finally May. M and I both work in education and I try very hard not to work in May. It is the end. I don't want to work anymore. I want to sit around, talk to my friends, and work "summer hours." However, I have a pretty strong work ethic -- so I am still working -- your tax dollars aren't going to waste. I just really don't want to right now. M's view of school is a little different -- here is hers...
1st Quarter: arrive 30 minutes early to school
2nd Quarter: arrive 10 minutes early to school
3rd Quarter: arrive somewhat on time
4th Quarter: they are lucky I show up at all.....
We are not doing anything different for this cycle in terms of drugs or interventions. We are keeping track of my basal body temperature -- that way we can obsess about one more variable during the TWW...nice, huh? The TWW is a time when your entire world is nuts. You obsess about everything and it is very consuming. I am going to try to be more relaxed this time. I am going to document what I am feeling, but I am going to try to not go nuts.
We will try again late next week. I just watch the days tick by on my monitor.
E-
1st Quarter: arrive 30 minutes early to school
2nd Quarter: arrive 10 minutes early to school
3rd Quarter: arrive somewhat on time
4th Quarter: they are lucky I show up at all.....
We are not doing anything different for this cycle in terms of drugs or interventions. We are keeping track of my basal body temperature -- that way we can obsess about one more variable during the TWW...nice, huh? The TWW is a time when your entire world is nuts. You obsess about everything and it is very consuming. I am going to try to be more relaxed this time. I am going to document what I am feeling, but I am going to try to not go nuts.
We will try again late next week. I just watch the days tick by on my monitor.
E-
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