random thoughts from a coparent-to-be

The process...
It seems every day is another day of exploration. It also becomes less amazing to me that we can actually make this happen and more amazing that people make families by only having sex. I am grateful that we have to jump through so many more hoops. We have had so many excellent conversations that I really don't think we would have had otherwise. Where do we stand on religion? How do we feel about money? How will we make sure our child is part of both of us? Which one of us will take care of what tasks? How will we share the burdens? What will happen to our relationship?

One of the things I have always loved about E is that she asks a million questions. In some ways it is her defense mechanism...keeps people from asking too much about her. When she first started asking me questions, I was flattered. As our relationship grew, I realized that it was how she balanced me. She didn't do it intentionally. It is who she is. After I had spent a lot of time with her, I started asking questions, too. We have ended up in this great place where we have conversations that go on and on because we keep probing and thinking and talking. In this situation of trying to make a baby, it has saved us. Whomever we talk to...doctors, lawyers...we have a list of questions.

The lawyer...
It is reassuring that we can put some legal protections in place. I can't imagine how devastated I would be if anyone tried to take my child away. Essentially I have no absolute guarantees that my child will be my child. I am not the biological parent. I cannot adopt the child. However, we are working hard to make sure we are putting as many safeguards in place as possible...guardianship, a coparenting agreement, and my last name...all evidence that what we intended was for this child to be ours.

I am very excited to start trying to have a baby. We have covered every base we can think of. It will be incredibly difficult, rewarding, and scary, but I cannot wait to be a family. E is an amazing woman. She is loving, smart, kind, and beautiful. She will make an excellent mom. She will make me an excellent mom. I am confident our child will only make us stronger and fill our house with even more love.

The blog....
While we are very excited to share all of this news with our family and friends, it also makes us a bit nervous. How will we feel when it takes us multiple attempts to get pregnant and we have to semi-publicly face that failure? What if we get pregnant and lose the baby? How will we handle everyone knowing? Many couples don't share that they're even trying to get pregnant. Many women never discuss that they're pregnant until they are 12 weeks along and it's a pretty sure thing. In undertaking this blog we have passed up that privacy. Scary.

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