the gifts would be better

Legal Issues

Our state does not allow second parent adoption for same sex couples. So, in our quest to be prepared for this most excellent journey to parenthood, we met with a lawyer today. We went to the attorney because we are both vulnerable in this undertaking --- M is vulnerable because she has zero legal standing when it comes to our child and I (E) and vulnerbale because M has no legal standing ... which means I that I could be left as a single mom. I do not want to be a single mother and M wants legal rights.

The lawyer described it as disaster planning. She said that everyone is in love now and thinks it is a wonderful idea, but life happens and it is better to be prepared. We will plan to be together as a loving couple and raise this child in our home and be a family, but if for some reason that doesn't work...we have a plan and we both have rights...just like if we were married.

By the way, it would be so much freakin easier if we could just get married....and the gifts would be way better. I never thought it was a huge deal that we couldn't get married, but now I am flaming mad that we have to spend $$$ (I mean thousands of dollars) to create the same legal protections as a heterosexual couple who runs off to Vegas and gets hitched and then pregnant.

So.........this is our plan

1. Guardianship: We will apply jointly for M to be the legal guardian of the child and we will have this in place prior to birth. So from the womb and beyond she will be able to make all decisions for the child...education, medical, etc... Two drawbacks: no social security benefits and it could be revoked.

2. Co-Parenting Agreement: We will enter into a legal contract and file it with the court that we are Co-Parents and intend to create and raise this child as a couple. It will outline our intentions, what we believe our rights should be, and what would happen if we broke up (joint custody, etc). It is similar to a pre-nup.

3. The child will have the same last name as M.

4. All of our wills, power of attorneys, etc... will be updated to reflect our wishes so no crazy family member (not that either of us have crazy family members) could come back and say that one of us doesn't deserve the child.

The hard part about this is it makes you think about what would happen if we weren't together. M has been in my life everyday for the last 3.5 years. She has made me laugh everyday, even when we were just friends joking about students or on the hard days. She makes me think, feel, believe, and trust. I know that life happens and things change....we have both been around that block, but I would never bring a child into a relationship that I didn't believe in 100%. We will plan for the worst case, for the sake of the future child, but we will hope for our best.