CD #14

Cycle Day 14.

I have survived the worst of the clomid hot flashes. They are very minor, if at all, at this point. Clomid is an interesting drug; it makes me hungry and hot. The hot flashes are like waves of hot crashing through my chest and arms. I now pee on a stick every morning between 10a.m.-11a.m. and wait for the egg symbol to pop up on the machine. We will add a night time check around bedtime tonight.

Someone posted that this is the hardest part of the cycle and I agree. You have no control over this part and you have no idea when it is going to happen -- could it be today? will it be before day 20? what day is too late? when do we fine out we have to skip another month? During the TWW (two week wait) you know when it will be over. You take the test and get your period and you know that you are done. During the "waiting for ovulation phase" your entire life looks like this:

*if I get a + today then we will go tomorrow morning - but it is a weekend so we have to go across town
*if I get + Saturday, then we will have to go in on Sunday and of course across town
*if I get a + Sunday, then we have to go on Monday, but I am working and I will have to re-arrange meeting A, B, and C

You are just in a constant game of schedule management.

Another thought:

Silver lining. I am a pretty positive person and I have found my silver lining to not being pregnant on the 1st try or the 2nd try or the no-try 3rd time. The silver lining is that we have been able to slow down and think. When you first start this process there are tons of new words, patterns, doctors, processes, and people. It is all very exciting and people are positive and you feel overwhelmed with the idea that in nine months you could be a mother. But, for whatever reason it doesn't happen. You become a patient. You follow sets of instructions. You are not ever going to be a one-hit wonder. It isn't going to be easy. You are going to have to work for it. Your mind shifts.

You become committed to trying. You no longer become committed to being a parent. You promise to try, to follow doctors' orders, to take the drugs, pee on the sticks, and save money. One begins to think about what life would be like without a child and find comfort in being with your partner. You are committed to trying, to praying about it, and to hoping for the best. You really can't let your mind decorate the nursery -- you can only be committed and focused on trying to get to that point.

E-