I went to dinner with my book club last week. There were only four of us: one newly pregnant, one with a 1-year-old, one childless by choice, and me. The talk turned to babies and how much work they are. The mom said she struggles with feeling like she is doing her best in the three arenas of her life...mom, employee, and wife. The newly pregnant member said that she, too, fears not doing as well at work once the baby is born. While they know E and I will soon be trying, I didn't say how differently I feel because they seemed to be feeling so badly about shortchanging parts of their life.
Unlike my two friends, I can't wait to take off work to be home with our baby. I know that we are all completely replaceable at work, but I don't think we're replaceable as parents. If we could afford it, E and I would stay home with our baby until he/she went to school. We both feel strongly that the first few years make all the difference and once the baby is in school, he/she won't need us nearly as much. Conversely, we know we're both very good at our jobs, but plenty of people can fill in for us while we're out. Of course, once we're home alone with a baby, we might long to be at work...
***
We ask ourselves every day, "How would today be different if we had a baby?" Part of me thinks we will have much less free time, much less sleep, and much less freedom to leave the house at a moment's notice. Another part of me thinks it will be as different and stressful as we make it. I would like to be the kind of mom who takes her baby wherever she goes...shopping, biking, dogwalking, etc. I would like to be able to have time at home to relax or cook or clean while my baby is on my belly or my back or in a swing. I am not sure how it will be. Since we plan on one of us being home for the first year, we should be through the middle of the night feedings and on a more normal schedule for going back to work. However, we don't get to decide that.
So, someone please save this and remind a year or two from now how delusional I was...
m
p.s. pass amy a tissue ;)
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2 comments:
How did you get so wise?
I didn't need the tissues...that wasn't really your best shot was it?????
Time with or without baby at your side is what you make of that time. A balance has to come, who is running the daily life (show) you or baby and that reveals the amount of stress or lack of doing a good job or not in whatever your working on. No magic, no super women only if the parents have love and prayers you have got all that is needed for the little blessing. My mother always said Kenndy was replaced within 15 mins. therefore anyone can replace you on your job but not true for your little one. Enjoy every moment of planning and living. I agree time with baby is the most important thing you can do for baby and yourself. NM
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