One of the oddest parts about choosing a donor is that we can be so picky. We were reading through eliminating those without a certain eye color, ancestry, etc. Once we ordered more information, we got to see tons of medical information...generations of medical information. It did make a difference to me. However, if we were in the donor's places, I am sure we would be rejected. Both of us have family medical histories that are less than perfect. My feeling is that since we do get to choose, I'm going to choose the best I can. As E said, we looked for someone who is like me. While no guarantees exist about how a baby will turn out, we would like to increase the odds that our child will resemble both of us.
The donor we finally chose is quite a bit like me. At least the things I think are important...educated, witty, and physically similar. We did not set out to choose an open donor and didn't realize we had until we had pretty much finalized our choice. I am glad that we did. I like the idea that our child could contact his biological father at some point in the future...expand his/her family, have more knowledge about family history.
Once I checked prices, I realized that open donor sperm costs more. We freaked out for a little while but then settled ourselves. We have many opportunities to earn extra money besides what we're already saving, and we both want a baby. It's that simple. I think we'd both work very hard to make it happen. For a while, we will be spending money like crazy...buying the sperm, paying for a lawyer, the cost of the inseminations...but it will be completely worth it. A family.
m
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Donor #......
Our search for a sperm donor started many, many months ago. We randomly starting searching for sperm banks last summer when we were surfing the internet. Then this fall we got a little more serious about it by creating favorites lists, etc... Finally, at our doctor's appointment they suggested that we use California Cryobank...our doctor actually worked there when he was a resident.
So, a few weekends ago we looked through their entire catalog online and both created our top 10 lists independently and then we shared them. We agreed on a few of them and we had a favorite. Then, we let it drop and roll around in our heads for awhile. We knew over winter break that we would come back to it and order the long profiles and more than just the basic info you can get online.
Today was the day. I went through the entire group again (just making sure we didn't miss anyone) and then we ordered all the info on our top two choices. Our favorite was no longer our favorite. We both fell for someone I will call Art. We saw Art's baby picture (so cute), heard his voice in a 16 minute long interview, read his long profile/medical history, and got his Kiersey Temperament rating. He is smart, witty, creative, well spoken, comes from a large family (5 children in all....he has 2 brothers and 2 sisters), he is also tall and thin etc.... etc... etc.... He reminds us both of M. He is also an open donor, which means that if in the future our child wants to contact him, they can. He has no parental rights or claim to the child, but he will agree to meet them. We think that is pretty cool and healthier for the child.
It was pretty awesome that we both really liked him. He just felt right....sounded right...looked right....and seemed to fit us well.
We also looked at the prices........wow. wow. wow. It will be fine. We are saving a ton of money each month and both have excellent careers....so...we will hope for a healthy baby that is conceived quickly......We read a blog where the woman was a one hit wonder......that would be awesome, but again...a healthy baby is all we can really ask for.
E-
So, a few weekends ago we looked through their entire catalog online and both created our top 10 lists independently and then we shared them. We agreed on a few of them and we had a favorite. Then, we let it drop and roll around in our heads for awhile. We knew over winter break that we would come back to it and order the long profiles and more than just the basic info you can get online.
Today was the day. I went through the entire group again (just making sure we didn't miss anyone) and then we ordered all the info on our top two choices. Our favorite was no longer our favorite. We both fell for someone I will call Art. We saw Art's baby picture (so cute), heard his voice in a 16 minute long interview, read his long profile/medical history, and got his Kiersey Temperament rating. He is smart, witty, creative, well spoken, comes from a large family (5 children in all....he has 2 brothers and 2 sisters), he is also tall and thin etc.... etc... etc.... He reminds us both of M. He is also an open donor, which means that if in the future our child wants to contact him, they can. He has no parental rights or claim to the child, but he will agree to meet them. We think that is pretty cool and healthier for the child.
It was pretty awesome that we both really liked him. He just felt right....sounded right...looked right....and seemed to fit us well.
We also looked at the prices........wow. wow. wow. It will be fine. We are saving a ton of money each month and both have excellent careers....so...we will hope for a healthy baby that is conceived quickly......We read a blog where the woman was a one hit wonder......that would be awesome, but again...a healthy baby is all we can really ask for.
E-
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
being practical
We have a lot to do before we actually have a baby. Finding a doctor was the first step. Now, we have to choose a donor, have a lawyer draft some paperwork so I am a legal parent, figure out how to take time off work, etc., etc., etc. Financially, we are in an excellent position right now...double income, no kids. So, we are trying to save as much money as we can.
We saw a site online about how much it costs to raise a child, but much of that was due to needing a bigger house, new car, and providing a college education. Well, we just bought a new house that is plenty big, we have already started saving and shopping for a car, and we have no intention of paying for the child's college education unless we have plenty of money. We have also spent the last six months paying off all of our debt. E had a loan that we got rid of, and we paid off my car. Of course, we will have other baby making expenses like buying the sperm and paying for everything after the $2000 our insurance covers. However, we feel well-prepared. A coworker who has taken the same path said, "It will cost more than you thought and take longer than you thought." Quite wise.
Between the two of us, we'd like to be able to take off work for the baby's first year. Because I am a teacher, if we get lucky with E's insemination we will be able to each take our three months off, connect it to a summer and I'll take some unpaid time off to get the whole year.
However, the best laid plans of mice and men...
m
We saw a site online about how much it costs to raise a child, but much of that was due to needing a bigger house, new car, and providing a college education. Well, we just bought a new house that is plenty big, we have already started saving and shopping for a car, and we have no intention of paying for the child's college education unless we have plenty of money. We have also spent the last six months paying off all of our debt. E had a loan that we got rid of, and we paid off my car. Of course, we will have other baby making expenses like buying the sperm and paying for everything after the $2000 our insurance covers. However, we feel well-prepared. A coworker who has taken the same path said, "It will cost more than you thought and take longer than you thought." Quite wise.
Between the two of us, we'd like to be able to take off work for the baby's first year. Because I am a teacher, if we get lucky with E's insemination we will be able to each take our three months off, connect it to a summer and I'll take some unpaid time off to get the whole year.
However, the best laid plans of mice and men...
m
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Why the downtown clinic won't work.
Well, we started this blog as a way to keep our families informed and we hope to take turns making entries. I am E and I will be the one carrying the baby. We made this decision based on our ages and desire to actually be pregnant.
A few things have happened since our last entry. First, we received a random letter from our insurance company saying that we are approved to the fertility clinic we went to. Second, we went to our "insurance approved"/assigned doctor today. It was horrible.
We are both very fortunate to have excellent health care coverage and benefits. However, the fertility doctors are located at the worse clinic in our health care system. It is downtown, through traffic in an older building. I had never been there before, but I was trying to be very positive. I thought about how great it would be to have no insurance coverage issues, the doctor's website was very encouraging because he was kind looking and did his residency in my old hometown, and they don't have a lot of extra charges (i.e. sperm storage fees).
1. The waiting room was full of pregnant teenage girls and their boyfriends.
2. The nurse who took us back barely spoke to us.
3. The exam room was about 7x7. M had to sit with her legs practically on mine to avoid the door from cutting them off when some entered. The walls were discolored, the floor was stained, and stir-up covers were cartoons and worn out.
4. When the doctor entered he was about 20 years older than his picture on his website, didn't even look us in the eye, didn't even ask who M was, and then he asked me how many days per cycle I bleed. REALLY? Bleed? Maybe, how long is your period? How many days do you menstruate? Bleed? I was ready to get up and leave at that moment. I felt M's hand on my back just slowing rubbing back.....like...I know...I know.... we don't have to stay.
5. He was a jerk. I had two pages of questions and I didn't ask any of them.
6. He kept calling sperm, "the stuff". Example: "Then you order the stuff and we store it and when you come in we defrost the stuff and put it in."
So....we took off to the mall for xmas shopping and called on the cell phone the other, more expensive, clinic. We were trying to compare costs. I think that the other clinic will be more expensive, but I was so uncomfortable at the downtown clinic I don't think I would be able to relax and do anything there.
Therefore, we will call the 1st clinic and tell them they are it and ask what the next step is.
We are about to start a 10 day vacation and one of our things to do is to find some donor sperm...or at least make a list of the top choices.
E-
A few things have happened since our last entry. First, we received a random letter from our insurance company saying that we are approved to the fertility clinic we went to. Second, we went to our "insurance approved"/assigned doctor today. It was horrible.
We are both very fortunate to have excellent health care coverage and benefits. However, the fertility doctors are located at the worse clinic in our health care system. It is downtown, through traffic in an older building. I had never been there before, but I was trying to be very positive. I thought about how great it would be to have no insurance coverage issues, the doctor's website was very encouraging because he was kind looking and did his residency in my old hometown, and they don't have a lot of extra charges (i.e. sperm storage fees).
1. The waiting room was full of pregnant teenage girls and their boyfriends.
2. The nurse who took us back barely spoke to us.
3. The exam room was about 7x7. M had to sit with her legs practically on mine to avoid the door from cutting them off when some entered. The walls were discolored, the floor was stained, and stir-up covers were cartoons and worn out.
4. When the doctor entered he was about 20 years older than his picture on his website, didn't even look us in the eye, didn't even ask who M was, and then he asked me how many days per cycle I bleed. REALLY? Bleed? Maybe, how long is your period? How many days do you menstruate? Bleed? I was ready to get up and leave at that moment. I felt M's hand on my back just slowing rubbing back.....like...I know...I know.... we don't have to stay.
5. He was a jerk. I had two pages of questions and I didn't ask any of them.
6. He kept calling sperm, "the stuff". Example: "Then you order the stuff and we store it and when you come in we defrost the stuff and put it in."
So....we took off to the mall for xmas shopping and called on the cell phone the other, more expensive, clinic. We were trying to compare costs. I think that the other clinic will be more expensive, but I was so uncomfortable at the downtown clinic I don't think I would be able to relax and do anything there.
Therefore, we will call the 1st clinic and tell them they are it and ask what the next step is.
We are about to start a 10 day vacation and one of our things to do is to find some donor sperm...or at least make a list of the top choices.
E-
Monday, December 18, 2006
getting in the tree
From the time we jumped out of the first tree (deciding friendship wasn't enough), we knew we wanted to have a baby. We have spent months reading books, surfing the 'net and trying to tell people we want to have a baby.
Today we took the first step in jumping out of the next tree...actually making and having the baby. Actually figuring out what clinic to go to was ridiculous. Our medical provider told us one thing and then another...conflicting answers every time we talked to them. Finally, we made an appointment with a fertility clinic and decided we'd pay for the initial visit ourselves. Later, we found out another doctor is covered by our plan, so we have an appointment with him later this week.
So, we met with the infertility doctor today to basically hear everything that we already knew through reading and other blogs. It seems our next step is buying the sperm and then deciding on when we want to start the process. My partner, E, will be having the baby. She was much more freaked out than I was today because she wanted more definitive answers. I told her not to worry...millions of people do this everyday. Right?
m
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