Philosophies

When EG was first born, I had no idea what to do with her. I didn't do nearly enough reading on how manage a day with a newborn. At her two week appointment we asked the doctor, "Should we be doing anything with her?" Our fabulous doctor said, "Just talk to her. Talk to her all the time. She needs language." Now, that didn't help with how to manage her day, but it did give us some direction.

We had two baby books that we relied on when we started: The Baby Book by Dr. Sears and What to expect the 1st year. We also googled everything. Now, around 6 weeks I decided I needed to know more and I went to the bookstore almost everyday to buy another book to read. Here is what I learned:

There are two ends of a very wide spectrum on how to manage newborns/babies:

1. Dr. Sears: Attachment Parenting: feed on demand, co-sleep, wear the baby in a sling, breastfeed, no set schedule or routine, and let the baby show you the way.

2. BabyWise: Ezzo's bestseller that puts a baby on a schedule from day one. The baby eats, has play time, and sleeps in that order every 3 hours no matter what. Very, very structured including "adult time, play pen time, and car seat sitting time."

I want to add that for a long time we had no idea what the hell we were doing. EG is not an angel baby. She is very, very active and has been since she was born. I also struggled with postpartum issues. However, we have come to a great place where she is just wonderful and we found our way by reading, researching, watching EG like a hawk, calling M's sister daily for advice (she has three great kids and mothers with great ease -- she's our idol) and trying new things that were developmentally appropriate.

The book we liked the best was The Baby Whisperer. It gave us very practical ideas and strategies to use. The main thing we use is a running log of her days. This helped us see her natural nap pattern and build her day to encourage her natural rhythm. The author is also very in tune with the huge differences between a newborn and a 3 month old. We also use a few Attachment Parenting practices. We did co-sleep for the first month, we breastfed for awhile, I "wear" EG in a sling at least once a day, M takes her for daily walks in the Bjorn, and we let her guide us through what she needs.

I have huge issues with Babywise. I know many awesome parents who swear by the book, but I read it (it was a gift - I refused to buy it) and it made me crazy. One part says something like: "do you ever wonder why you don't have that happy perfect little child you see out in the stores..." OHMYGOD. EG is ALWAYS perfect in stores. She is captivated by the lights, smells, and sights, but that doesn't mean she is perfect or that some other child isn't because they are hungry or tired and upset to be in the store. The other reason I have issues with BabyWise is because I saw a young mother swear by it and almost starve her child. The baby was screaming with hunger and the mother just said, "No you have to wait. It isn't time." Now I encourage EG to wait until feeding time by distracting her, but as soon as she fusses (not crying) I will feed her and each time she is hungry.

In summary -- I have learned that every kid is different. Every parent is different. No one guru has all the answers -- or there would be just one book. (I stole that last line from some random blog, but it is so true.)

E-