She's the one.

It is a snowy Saturday morning and we are under a blizzard warning so I thought it would be a good time to blog.

Yesterday we finally found a OB/GYN that I love. I have gone to my previous doctor (Dr. K) for about 3 years, but it just never felt quite right. Dr. K is a very small petite woman who runs a busy practice and basically does what I say. For example, when I have a bad cough I need the good stuff...heavy...narcotic based cough syrup. Most doctors give me a little grief about it, but she doesn't. She signs the script and off I am to Walgreens to fill it and get relief. My concern is that I would be second guessing her -- and she would let me.

I am a little bossy. On a daily basis I oversee about 2,000 people who in some way or other answer to me (and I answer to them)...so I am used to being in charge. However, when I am sick I need someone else to be in charge of me. I know that I am going to need a doctor who I will trust and who is capable of bossing me around. M can boss me around a lot and that it why I love her. It takes the pressure off of me having to be in charge all the time.

So, we found her. Dr. F. She is strong, smart, funny and very close to our house. She was recommended by my best friend who said she would be perfect for me. My friend was right. Dr. F does not have issues with us being lesbians, in fact she is friends with quite a few of our friends. She thinks it is great that we are having a baby and she was well prepare to talk to us about what we should be doing. She totally included M in the conversation and she is part of a family practice as well.

She asked me why I wasn't staying with Dr. K. I said, I think that in a time of serious decision making if I disagreed with Dr. K she would say, "okay, we can talk about that." Dr. F laughed and said, "oh no, there will be none of that....they don't call me intimidating for nothing." I said that I needed someone who could boss me around and she said, "I can do that." I love her. She is the one.

E-

work doesn't need me

I went to dinner with my book club last week. There were only four of us: one newly pregnant, one with a 1-year-old, one childless by choice, and me. The talk turned to babies and how much work they are. The mom said she struggles with feeling like she is doing her best in the three arenas of her life...mom, employee, and wife. The newly pregnant member said that she, too, fears not doing as well at work once the baby is born. While they know E and I will soon be trying, I didn't say how differently I feel because they seemed to be feeling so badly about shortchanging parts of their life.

Unlike my two friends, I can't wait to take off work to be home with our baby. I know that we are all completely replaceable at work, but I don't think we're replaceable as parents. If we could afford it, E and I would stay home with our baby until he/she went to school. We both feel strongly that the first few years make all the difference and once the baby is in school, he/she won't need us nearly as much. Conversely, we know we're both very good at our jobs, but plenty of people can fill in for us while we're out. Of course, once we're home alone with a baby, we might long to be at work...

***

We ask ourselves every day, "How would today be different if we had a baby?" Part of me thinks we will have much less free time, much less sleep, and much less freedom to leave the house at a moment's notice. Another part of me thinks it will be as different and stressful as we make it. I would like to be the kind of mom who takes her baby wherever she goes...shopping, biking, dogwalking, etc. I would like to be able to have time at home to relax or cook or clean while my baby is on my belly or my back or in a swing. I am not sure how it will be. Since we plan on one of us being home for the first year, we should be through the middle of the night feedings and on a more normal schedule for going back to work. However, we don't get to decide that.

So, someone please save this and remind a year or two from now how delusional I was...

m

p.s. pass amy a tissue ;)

My committed partner

What do we call each other? That is always a hard question.

Lover, partner, wife, girlfriend, friend, or as my father once described it "very, very, very, very special friends." And, when does the line move from "girlfriend" to "partner" or "wife"? We have decided we don't know and we really don't care. Wife seems like a role more than a definition of a relationship. Partner seems like we are in a firm together. Girlfriend sounds like we just met or we are just friends. Lover is just too bold. So, we don't care. We are E and M and that is all there is.

We have decided that we are committed to each other and to our future family. We recently gave each other amazing rings, but not at the same time and not in some ceremony. We each gave each other the rings, in our own way, in our own time. There was no deadline or start date...just an agreement that we would create a symbol for the other to wear as a constant reminder that we are together. They are different and perfect.

The baby front: We are in a holding pattern. We were hoping to start trying in April, but my ovulation is like clockwork and therefore the timing might not be right. In our line of work there are times that aren't perfect for having a baby. A baby being born the end of December is hard for us, so January is much more agreeable. Now, with that said...if we are still trying this time next year...I am sure I won't give a rip when the child is born, but considering at first we weren't going to try at all until August...April or May seems like a good head start.

E-